"You're just pissed cuz' mom says she never loved you!" Uncle Rick shouted.
"Only cause your face is so damn ugly that it made her lose her will to live!" My dad fired back.
And in the middle of this Thanksgiving day war, was me. Young enough to understand that Uncle Rick and Dad would never be okay with each other, but not old enough to fully understand why the two hated each other with a passion akin to Cain and Abel, but if Abel slept with Cain's wife.
"You know you were always like this; ever since we were kids and you stole my Captain Lazer figurine you've always been an ass," Uncle Rick fired.
"Yeah it's not the only thing I stole from you..."
Before uncle Rick could commit fratricide; I decided it would be best to intercept with a light joke.
"You know you two need to stop it, you practically make me wish I was adopted!"
I expected a light laugh, the deflation of the aggressive atmosphere, that or some minor admonishment from my dad that directed their ire to me; but with my age removing the potential violence from the reaction. What I did not expect however, was my uncle and dad giving me the same look I made when I see grandma Betty's green bean casserole surprise: abject and unabating horror.
"Huh? HUH? how did you know?" Dad asked.
I looked confused. "Know what?"
Dad looked like I had just crashed his car, quickly however the despair turned to rage as he whirled towards uncle Rick.
"YOU! YOU TOLD HIM! DIDN'T YOU!"
Uncle Rick was genuinely surprised, but responded with thick venom: "Absolutely not, I don't exactly brag that I lost Carol to an impotent moron."
Comprehension dawned on me,
"Wait, I'm adopted!?"
My dad looked at me with deep pain in his eyes that silently answered my question for me.
The rest of Thanksgiving went by with a horrible taste in my mouth, and I'm not talking about Grandma Betty's Cooking.
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